Living the Expat Life.

I started this blog anticipating that I would post a lot and that I could use it to help with some SEO for my photography business - I imagined some nice posts about “what to do in Mérida”, “how I spend my day in Mexico”, and other feel-good topics like that.

What I’ve come to find out is that living out of the United States has been pretty disorienting.

Flying back to Mérida, Mexico

I don’t feel like I “belong” anywhere and the easy posts aren’t flowing out of my brain. Instead, it feels a bit jumbled. The weather is beautiful, the people are friendly, we love the house we’re in….so all is good in those areas but it’s a strange feeling to not have a base, to not feel settled, and to not be particularly grounded. Maybe the nice posts will come but until then, I’m stuck with unraveling what it feels like to be a new immigrant to Mexico.

We recently went back to the US for three weeks over Christmas and it was all of the things - joyful, busy, and fun but also hard, tricky, and tiring. I think we may have over-scheduled ourselves a little bit, bouncing between a few states but we really wanted to see all of our family. When we arrived, we also landed in a snow storm which was a stark difference to the 80 degree weather that we left in Mérida. 

Well that was the most extreme difference, it wasn’t the only one. The U.S., especially with the inauguration that was upcoming, felt a bit more unsettled. People weren’t particularly friendly. Traffic was busy and everyone seemed to be in a rush. There was a lot of aggression and just an overall feeling of angst in people. 

Mexico isn’t perfect but I will say that there is a HUGE difference in the feeling of the US vs Mérida. We even said that we could tell on the flights back to Mexico. The first flight brought us to Dallas. People were pushy and anxious. The second flight was from Dallas to Mérida and everyone just seemed more laidback. There was more of a feeling of community and looking out for each other. Even though the flight was delayed two hours, no one seemed rattled or stressed. The flight attendants laughed with passengers. They smiled and seemed genuinely happy to be helping.

I won’t say it’s perfect here - there are downsides. Driving is an adventure. There are potholes everywhere and you have to be careful walking on the sidewalks so you don’t trip or fall into a hole. The hot water heater that we have is on-demand so the water often turns cold just as you get soap all over you. The power goes out here and there and it’s just how it is - I’m learning that there is an art to being patient in the dark. I don’t know the ins and outs of everything yet, so it’s hard to speak on logistics and policies, but I’m sure there are other things that locals would mention.

The biggest thing for me, though, is the language barrier. I knew that not speaking Spanish fluently was going to be a challenge. I took Spanish for three years in high school but that was almost 30 years ago. I seem to be able to understand much more than I can say - and I’m noticing that I often get in my own way. Without the pressure of someone listening, I can figure out how to stumble through words and phrases to say what I mean. When someone is in front of me, it feels like my brain goes off-line and I’m not even able to remember how to say my name!

It is getting better though. The first time we came, last February and March, I can’t say I tried too much. Everything was new and it felt like a lot of to adapt to. We were exploring every place that we went and tried our best to be friendly and to at least greet people correctly.

Knowing now that we are going to be here for a bit, I’m definitely trying more. Our son’s teachers speak to us in Spanish. The parents of his school friends go back and forth between Spanish and English for us…and I’m finally understanding what the cashiers are saying when they ask if I have a phone number for a store card at the registers! It is getting easier but it doesn’t feel familiar.

And…I think that’s what I’m missing. The familiarity. The consistency. The knowing. Walking around the grocery store and having to translate what’s in each aisle is mentally taxing. Not moving on auto-pilot through your neighborhood uses energy. Hearing snippets of conversations of people around you without understanding what they’re saying is also strange. Not having the familiar routine of pulling into a Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru and saying hello, answering how you are, and then quickly ordering your coffee, is definitely missed.

So, it’s been a process. I understand that this will all come in time. I know more than I did two weeks ago, when we returned…and I know much more than I did 11 months ago, when we first arrived. 

I guess the other part is the feeling a disconnection from the United States. The US is all that I’ve known. Aside from trips here and there, it was what I’ve experienced for the last 46 years. With all that is going on, three days into a Trump presidency, it’s really hard to describe how I feel. There is a (probably misplaced) guilt to the fact that his policies and energy are not directly affecting me…but it is affecting my family and friends. And, we are still US citizens, so technically, it’s our country that he’s running. Being here though, with some distance, is freeing. (And if any family or friends need a break, you can come visit any time!)

Missing family and friends is also a huge thing. I, of course, expected it and knew it would be different not being able to drop by and see people when I wanted…but FaceTime, WhatsApp, texts, and emails have helped - it’s not a replacement but I really don’t think I could be so far away without using them.

So all that to say that I guess I’m still adjusting. We’re all learning and adjusting. I could probably do another whole blog post about how our 3 year old son is managing living abroad and learning in a Spanish-speaking school…so maybe that will be the next one! ;)

But, until then, I’ll keep remembering to give myself grace, to appreciate the warmth, and to find joy in the unknown - a bit easier said than done some days, but I guess that’s just how it may be until there is a bit more familiarity with this little part of the world!